


The Journal of the newest Guardian of the Galaxy

by Leftpanda



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:39:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leftpanda/pseuds/Leftpanda
Summary: Following the end of GotG vol.2. Kraglin joined the guardians of the galaxy. The former ravager starts writing a journal to record his life on Milano, working hard on adapting to the new lifestyle, as well as the new bunch of crazy teammates.Kraglin & the Guardians centered. Slow Burn Kraglin/Nebula, mentioned of Gamora/Starlord.Contained major spoiler of vol.2.





	1. Day 0

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, please forgive my horrible grammar.

#### Day 0

Hello, journal.

Sorry, sounds cliché, isn’t it? I ain’t used to doing writing stuff. But now I feel the urge to keep a log of everything that is going to happen.   
It’s 2 a.m. Everyone must be asleep now, except Peter, I mean Captain. Note to self: He’s **captain** now! I guess he’s still playing with the Zune.  
I couldn’t sleep, either. Probably due to the extreme silence. On a ravager’s ship, you can always hear somebody get into fights, or sneering, or rambling nonsense in their dreams. In here, no one makes any sound. Even Drax the destroyer obtains the sense to keep his door shut in case his snoring disturbs the ladies. Woo-hoo! They have ladies here! Ravagers are always a bit sensitive about this issue. Some of the pirates still believe in the old saying, women brings no luck on board. Peter, I mean Captain, must have put more faith in his own luck.

I’m going off topic here. What am I trying to record?

Too many things happened to me during the last few days. I’m not proud of all of them. To be honest, I’d rather keep quiet about some of them for the rest of my life. They all happened so sudden, so impromptu that I had difficulty harmonizing myself with the situation around me. Long story short, I, Kraglin Obfonteri, former first mate of the ravagers, is going to become the newest member of the guardians of the galaxy, pretty soon, very soon, like, tomorrow.

Exciting move on, right? I was a criminal not many of you have ever known, and now I am transforming into a hero (actually, still not many of you have ever heard of), to guard the peace of the whole universe…God bless the universe, and me! If he ever cared. 

I don’t hold much confidence. I’ve only learned how to be a criminal, but the case seems to happen to every other guy on this ship, and they are all doing pretty good…What exactly distinguishes a hero and a bad guy? They are like two people going to the same school and study the same courses, only choose two different jobs after graduation, right?

I’m going off topic, again. 

It’s not like that there’re many choices left, more precisely, none. I mean, every guy I’ve ever known had died. Peter is the only one alive. I should feel damn grateful that he would let me stay in his crew. Gosh, I’m getting nervous. What if his crew doesn’t like me? What if I couldn’t fit in? Both Drax and Gamora seem like they can beat five me in one second with bare hands. Not to mention that raccoon who packed atomic bombs in his bag like candy bars. God, I wasn’t even nervous when I first board the ravagers’ ship! 

Relax, Kraglin, take a deeeeep breath. Maybe I should try harder to have some sleep. Tomorrow will be a key day in my life. 

Just, wish me a good luck.


	2. DAY 1 - DAY 7

#### Day 1

FUCKING HELL LET ME OFF THE SHIP, NOW.

#### Day 2 

I was wrong. I was so unbelievably, stupidly wrong. How can I assume that Peter Quill, the Peter Quill, can own a normal crew?   
I am just so fascinated that in the whole universe, I mean, literally the whole UNIVERSE, how can you manage to know all the insufferable psychopath/anti-social/anti-human being/retarded/really over-sized six-years-old children, and somehow managed to form them together?! Why can’t any of you behave like a normal grown-up and wake people up by knocking the door instead of blasting away it, using a fucking machine gun?! Why can’t any of you talk like normal grown-ups without a forever-going-on contest of lame jokes and shooting insults?! Why suddenly engage in heated fights during breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? And what the hell cause that huge hole in our shield window?! Good lord that size of a gap, you can easily fill a tank in! 

Note to self: Purchase Propulsid, tons of Propulsid. 

Maybe it’s because of the raccoon and the destroyer, who usually serve as a foil to make anyone else seem more stabilized. Peter seems more mature than his teammates unless a certain green-skinned lady gets in the way…  
He seems pretty cool, coping with everything that happened.  
He coped like nothing happened.

#### Day 5 

First time practicing the Yaka Arrow.   
Its former master looked damn cool directing the weapon. I looked damn foolish.   
Can’t even whistle out a sound after five minutes’ practice.   
Punched by a raccoon (who was walking the plant), said I made him want to pee.   
Another five minutes’ failure.   
Strangled by a plant (who was walking the raccoon), didn’t really know what ‘I am Groot’ meant.   
Another five minutes’ failure.   
Mocked by a Gamora (who was walking the Captain). They ran off and quickly back with a stave and a harmonica.   
Felt too embarrassed to use.  
Used at last.   
The Arrow finally stood up and started flying. Pretty similar to its older glory. Fast like a flash. Couldn’t even predict the end.   
Ended in Drax’s arm, deeply. 

Run away in the speed of an arrow.

#### Day 7 

Stabbed Drax for seventeen times in only two days.   
Wow, this guy has a hell of skin…no, I mean, gentle personality. Even I myself can’t help but suspect that subconsciously I was trying to commit a murder. This guy didn’t even throw me a punch.   
He just forced me to join their ‘chat’ group, and help Mantis to better adjust to healthy communication between ordinary people.   
No offense to her, I’d rather take a punch.   
These two surely knows how to chat. It is either a pure miracle that they haven’t been beaten to death by anyone who shared a short temper and a regular level of tolerance, or a mere fact that they just haven’t met enough people.   
Drax is…okay...in most of the time. He just really loves to repeat the story of how he and his beloved wife met, and fell in love, and made tons of love in every possible place with every possible position. My life will be better without planting those images in my mind. 

On the other hand, Mantis is…hard to describe. 

I’m kind of scared of her. Probably blame her being a telepath, is she a telepath?   
But think about it, I’m also kind of scared of Gamora. She has this aura wrapped around her, especially when she’s angry at Peter. Makes you just want to kneel down and beg for your Highness’s forgiveness.  
Ohh, and, um, her sister. Her sis scared me as well. I recalled her swearing harshly, that she would fly across the universe, heaven and hell, to kill her sister and then her so-called father…There was a slight hint of hesitance, a different tone laid in her words when she spoke of slaughtering her sis. I was so familiar with that tone, for so many years, all the speech of putting a reward on…

Wait a sec, am I Gynophobia?!!


	3. DAY 8 - DAY 15

#### Day 8

Okay, I have to write out the question.  
Exactly what kind of magical spell is ‘I am Groot’?  
Why everyone, minus me and Mantis, can figure out every layer of meaning the three same words represent under various situation?  
How can you possibly understand ‘I am Groot’ means ‘You over toasted the bread it chewed like a tree skin are you fucking joking with a tree man just wait to see me grow up and show you the horrifying power of a tree you ugly teeth pale-faced useless guy’?

#### Day 10

Today I had the first mission as a guardian of the galaxy. There’s not much to brag about. I only in charge of covering and retreating. The old bees take care of the killing and fighting. The job feels…very much alike the old ones I did when being a ravager.  
My share of the reward came larger than I imagined. I thought they calculated wrong. I really haven’t done many works. Peter asked if I worked hard enough to ensure everyone’s alive, including myself. I answered yes. He said well, that’s the most important job in his crew.  
He spoke casually, almost too casual.

#### Day 14

Stabbed Drax for another five times, the point of the arrow looked injured. This time he threw me a punch. As wise men once said, everybody has a limit line. Surprisingly he only punched me once, and then grabbed my shoulder and pinched.  
He told me to pay attention. Told me not to behave like it doesn’t matter, cause it matters. It was a treasured gift, you should treat it seriously when you receive a gift. Am I still thinking that I was just borrowing a toy, and one day the owner will take it back?  
God knows how hard I practiced.  
I dared not to provoke. Maybe Drax is way more smart and perceptive. Maybe he sensed something that I myself refused to admit.  
Or maybe, he was just saying, right?

 

#### Day 15

The raccoon helped fix the arrow. He even installed a ‘tail’ attached to the end, allowing me to practice bravely without being a potential threaten towards my own team. I was going to thank him properly if I wasn’t collecting the long trail of silver wire and see the cybernetic eye of one of my former fellow. He thinks it’s the most brilliant joke of the century. 

I think this ship needs a doctor, urgently.


	4. DAY 26 - DAY 30

#### Day 26 

Found myself getting used to the life on Milano. The tricks are simple: Keep your mouth shut. Stay away from fighting. Always smile and look patiently at your colleague like they are six-years-old kids.   
My room is bigger. It’s far easier to keep clean and tidy. No need to worry a bunch of over-built guys would grab your food at any time during meals. (But the need to worry two over-built guys and one ferocious trash panda still exist) No need to worry go strolling on board and get your views polluted by some dirty old man who had no shame in wearing nothing (I wouldn’t mind the ladies embracing the nature, though). No need to worry someone might plan to cause a rebel or betray. They fight all the time, but I can tell that it’s not the dangerous signal of disruption. It’s simply an unhealthy way for a group of unhealthy people to maintain friendship and pay respect to each other.   
The missions hold no more risk than my old ones do. On top of the cake, I received thanks coming from people I don’t know. I’d have to admit, the feeling of being appreciated and admired as a hero can be alluring and even addictive. 

Everything goes so perfect. 

And yet sometimes I zoned out. I heard the crazy noise exploding on the ravager’s ship, the singings and shouts, the glasses and bowls crashed together and the wine breaks. 

Oh god, I should really warn the Captain to stop playing music 24/7, dude, you have earbuds for a reason! I’m hearing voices for crying out loud.

#### Day 30

Gamora’s sis was here. Got on board this morning. Her own M-ship had some accident. Captain assigned the raccoon to check.   
Nebula is going to stay with us for a week. I don’t think the raccoon need that amount of time. My guess? Gamora threatened the captain to say so.   
She seems…terrifying as always. However, to pull out everyone’s eyes, when she first came onboard and saw her sister, she ran forward to HUG her. Judging from the green skin went greener, I guess she wasn’t so familiar with HUGGING and put far more strength in squeezing. It was kind of funny, the awkward and somehow super genuine gesture, kind of cute… **WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING did I just call her cute she’s the vicious daughter of Thanos she can easily tear down an army all by herself DID I JUST CALL HER CUTE?!**

Nevertheless, I knew I was right. She wasn’t really going to kill her sis.


	5. DAY 31- DAY 35

#### Day 31

Captain took an emergency call from Nova cops this morning, went off with Gamora alone, saying they would be back in one day or two.  
Nebula wasn’t so excited being left behind with us. The raccoon and Groot are still working on her M-ship, so, welcome to the ‘chat’ club, woo-hoo…  
She wasn’t so excited joining in.  
Let’s name the situation as #Awkward Silence  
Mantis was happy and ignorant as always, made a brave move to open up the topic. She asked why Nebula was blue when Gamora was Green. Is it because their parents are blue and green, or blue and yellow and one of them get the mixed color.  
I ALMOST SCREAMED to her to shut up. 

To avoid any blood splitting on the ship, I quickly explained to Mantis that Genes didn’t work in the same way as a color palette. Look at me, my mom was red and my father purple. I looked paler than any terran I’ve ever seen.

Back to #Awkward Silence

Drax, another brave guy, opening up another topic, asking why she had metals stick onto her face and body, is it some weird kind of armor? Who taught her to do that? That’s brilliant…

You two! Oh, clever you two! You two will so be the death of me someday.

I shouted to him that no! It’s not armor. It’s FASHION. Everybody has their own style. Like Mantis has tentacle! Captain has Walkman! Raccoon and Groot…are raccoon and Groot! Look at me, I had carved scars all over my face to create a unique style! 

I really want to make a toast to my wisdom. Though I can feel the stare coming from a pair of dark eyes burned into my back, can smell the idea of brutal slaughtering grew stronger with every minute passing by. We finally made it. Kept ourselves alive until Captain and the sister came back.

#### Day 32

Had a nightmare last night. Couldn’t really remember what was chasing me in the dream, anyway, I jerked awake at 2 a.m.  
I headed to the kitchen for some snacks, almost scream again when I saw someone’s already occupied the place. Tried my best not to scream and run away because…well, Nebula was having difficulty deciding which food can be eaten in what way, again. She is really bad at this, isn’t she? Cooked some soup for both of us.  
NERVOUSLY EATING SOUP.  
She was staring at me. With the tiny bit of male pride left in me, I bravely embraced her glare by looking back into her.  
NERVOUSLY STARING AT NEBULA.  
I didn’t realize until then. If you look carefully, at a distance close enough, that you can see through the blue skins and metal bars around her left eye, to really see her face. She’s pretty. Prettier than Mantis, well, Mantis wasn’t ugly or disgusting as Drax claimed every day (Which she seemed rather enjoy. God, these people have issues.), but Nebula is still prettier.  
I think she’s even prettier than Gamora. Gamora is dazzling. She’s this warrior queen…Nebula is like…pretty like a princess. With those big round eyes and…Of course, I mean if she had normal white skins and long curly hair, wearing bubble dresses and doing nothing related to kill or fight, just exists and someone will spoil her with love…okay, I have no idea what I’m rambling at.

I do think so. Maybe subconsciously I have been thinking about it for a while. Maybe that was why I said that stupid line the first time I saw her, that, I thought she could use the bounty and buy some girly stuff, like a normal pretty girl. After she told me the most terrible childhood story I’ve heard of and told me what kind of ending she was going to write. 

Nebula asked me why I tried to block those two idiots. Why I said I carved my face. She knew these marks. Of course, she would know, she’s the daughter of Thanos, once worked for Ronan. The laboring tattoo of a slave was no fresh sight.  
She said it was just like those machine parts of her, it’s a sign of being a slave, full of shame and weakness. 

I haven’t recalled this issue for many years. I was lucky. My family was too poor to afford to have me. Yes, I spent a couple of years totally under someone’s control. But I got out, I was helped. That period of time didn’t leave me in serious mental injury. And we were different. I told her. The fainted scars on my forehead were the symbol of me being an unlucky child. Hers is another thing. Her face and her body. They are the proof that she got stronger and stronger. And still she’s pretty, even prettier, I’m not pretty like you, right?

Nebula showed no interests in commenting. I had to wash both our dishes.  
NERVOUSLY SAID GOODNIGHT.

Then she grabbed me by the collar. Her cold fingers traced one of the scars on my face, right upon my eyes. God, I literally stopped breathing for a total five seconds.  
She said your Captain had the same marks. He was a warrior and so should you be.  
That’s impossible since Peter had such smooth face like he secretly uses ladies facial cream…

I didn’t realize she wasn’t talking about Peter until she walked away.

#### Day 35

They fixed Nebula’s ship, earlier than the plan, much to the disappointment of her sister. Somehow I felt relieved, I’m still a bit scared of the girl, even more scared than before. That’s strange considering I was the only one she spoke to without a scowl other than Gamora. Um, I’m not implying anything. I just…happened to hear a lot of noise during midnight, and always ended up cooking in the kitchen and serving the blue queen, and ended up blabbing an awful lot.  
I told her about the voices. I could keep it as a secret but…your psychologist would recommend you to talk, right? And surely she won’t care enough to remember any of my nonsense and go blabbing to the whole ship. So I talked. 

Before she left, she hugged Gamora again, with 100% full strength and heart.  
One minute later, the whole universe exploded. 

She walked towards me, using the same awkward and unnatural gesture, hugged me. 

**FUCKING HELL WHAT IS HAPPENING Is Nebula hugging me? What happened to her?! Did someone switched her soul or some shit?! What should I do?! Shall I hug her back?! PLEASE I REALLY REALLY WANT TO HUG HER BACK Oh my god I can’t breathe! Wait a sec, I felt her**

Gamora saved my exploding brain and absent minds by a powerful punch. She thought I was taking advantage of Nebula. The Captain rushed over and tried to explain that it was only a hug, believe it or not, normal people do hug all the time, even between opposite sex. He tried to make an example by hugging Nebula himself, got kicked in the unspoken body part.  
After a whole five minutes chaos, Gamora finally got it straight. That her sister, being raised in an unnatural environment, only knew one way to express any emotion not related to hatred. The only way she showed her.  
Nebula told them that I prepared food for her, so she wanted to thank me. 

Gamora told her how to say thanks, more directly and without further physical touch.  
I would not mind her using the old way, but to keep breathing, I didn’t say out loud.


	6. DAY 38- DAY 58

#### Day 38 

First time killed an enemy, with the yaka arrow.   
After the battle finished, Captain ran towards me and gave me a solid hug.   
I might have been wearing an invisible slogan of FREE HUG recently.

#### Day 46

Gamora wanted us to record video messages for her sister. They were both busy killing other people throughout the space, couldn’t find much time keeping in touch. She wanted to keep her in touch. Wanted us all to keep her, like she was our little sister who went to college in the neighboring city.   
Captain made a half-hour speech, declaring his ultimate undying love for Gamora and sincerely wish Nebula would approve. (I suspect she might fly across the universe again, this time aiming at another guy)  
The raccoon taught a half-hour lecture on ship maintain. Out of nowhere, he asked if he could do a thorough body check for her next time, since, you know, he’s good at machines and she’s cyborg. (Gamora told him that no matter how cute and inhuman he looks, sexual harassment is still sexual harassment.)  
Groot: I am Groot.   
Mantis and Drax had a contest of making lame jokes and seeing who laughed louder. 

I was the last speaker. I felt like I was going to some big universal conference and represent the image of my team. God knows how much nonsense I talked. I don’t what to talk and yet I want to talk about everything. I vaguely remembered asking her to eat more, repeated three times in a row. And then proceeded to suggest her to look out the weather, five times in a row. 

When I finished, every single person on the ship was holding back laughter, including Gamora. It’s a shitty feeling.   
I don’t know why and what they are laughing at. I was simply expressing my care towards a friend. 

I mean, we knew each other and we had normal conversations and she hasn’t killed me yet so, we’re friends now, right?

#### Day 55 

Complete a truly successful mission. We saved a planet (tiny but still a planet, not living one this time), got a hell of reward, almost got bestowed some weird title of nobility.  
Got drunk. Massive drunk. Trying to compete with the raccoon in bragging about good-old-days. Peter stepped in as well.   
I bragged about some stories of the ravagers.   
The raccoon actually listened with full attention. Peter fell asleep quickly.   
I might be a little bit too high, even the raccoon told me to stop for a while. It was enough for today. He told me to save the rest for later, told the stories good and slow, for he wanted to hear more about his friend. 

It isn’t enough for me. So I told the rest to Nebula.   
Will she ever listen to?

#### Day 58 

Accidentally cut my finger when preparing for dinner. (Couldn’t remember since when I started taking full charge of cooking) Mantis jumped to help. She burst out crying when touching my hand.   
I can’t remember what I was thinking at that moment, made her so desperately sad. 

After dinner, I spoke about the little incident when recording a video message. She wouldn’t watch anyway. She never responds to any of us, once in a while Gamora got a brief call, and that’s all. Only her sister, Groot and me still recorded anything.

Maybe Groot mistakes her as another tree man.   
Maybe I considered her as a tree hole.


	7. DAY 63 - DAY 64

#### Day 63

Peter’s birthday today! Everyone gets crazily drunk before 10 in the morning. God, we only had our lunch. Have to hide in the room and write today’s journal in case I go crazy for all the alcohols coming in the way. The raccoon splashed some beer on the captain’s seat. Note to self: Clean it! Tomorrow! First thing! Okay, now what else?  
We prepared the present together, two music tapes from his own planet, the same type he used to have. We all worked really hard to squeeze out the memories of the songs he had listened for years. I know the Zune has larger storage of songs but…the man had a strong connection with his mom, and it was an awful to have her present destroyed by that…Anyway, Peter is a good captain. Smart, brave, determined and aware of his responsibility. He really becomes a decent captain. As his crew, we are grateful.

The raccoon is howling outside. I have to prevent him from splashing other liquids all over the board!  
Let’s knit up here, for today. 

 

_**FUCK YOU!!! PETER QUILL!! YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH JERK! GOD I HATE YOU I WILL TEARING YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS I WILL KILL YOU!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!! FOR SO MANY YEARS I ALWAYS HATED YOU!!! YOU USELESS TERRAN IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! HE WON’T DIE IF YOU DON’T EXIST!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU DIRTY** _

#### Day 64

I screwed up. 

Fuck, I am the biggest stupidest idiot of the whole universe. I screwed up everything.  
God my head is spinning like there’re twenty drums being banged inside of my brain at the same time. 

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. I’m still locked in my own room, nobody bothered to come and knock. I heard people whispering and walking around. Nobody knocked. I guess I would just die in here and started stinking before someone opens the door eventually. 

I had a fight with Peter. I can’t recall what we were talking at the beginning. We were singing, all of us, and then Peter blurted out a statement. He started to blab about green is the most beautiful color of the entire galaxy. I fucking disagreed. I don’t why I fucking disagreed. I said it should be blue. We had a few words back and forth, until a drunk Drax slapped us both, declaring that the most beautiful color of the galaxy is Mantis. We told him he was stupid, that Mantis isn’t even a color you dumbass.  
Then the memory blurred. For whatever reason, we started insulting each other. He scolded me for not be able to control the arrow after such a long time of practice, for always hiding from the guardians and looking at them like they were all lunatic children. He shouted that if it wasn’t for his kindness, I would be starving in some shit far-away planet. 

Then I broke down. 

I snapped and started shouting back. I waved my fists and shouted in high pitched cracked voice. I said I fucking hated you, in all those years I fucking hated you. He always took your side, no matter how many times you lied and betrayed and caused harm, he always forgives you and protects you! Because you’re his son. And I’m not. I was the one who followed him through dangers and hell! I grew up under his wings just like you! 

Peter punched me in the face. He cursed and accused. How dare you bring it up? If you didn’t follow Taser face in the mutiny, half of the ship would be alive! Those guys I had known since I was a kid would be still alive. He would be still alive...I punched back. God, I don’t know where my strength come from, which dumbass raised Peter Quill into such an over-built strong guy?! I remember the first time we saw him, such a skinny boy he wouldn’t survive one kick…I kept fighting, with my fists and kicks and my teeth. I never fought anyone like this. With so much hatred it terrified me. I wasn’t behaving like myself. I couldn’t feel myself. 

I just kept shouting, I told him that it was all his fault, he killed the captain. 

For god’s sake, what the hell have I done! 

 

I don’t hate Peter. Fuck, I witness this boy grow up! I grew up with him! He was my best friend in the whole ship, we played games and practiced pranks. When he was old enough to drink in bars and picked up girls, I was his wingman. Fuck, he’s like my fucking brother, how can I hate little my brother? I fucking loved him.  
But that’s the funny part. He was and is supposed to always be my little brother. He shouldn’t be my captain!  
How come he become my captain? 

 

Oh crap.  
CRAP CRAP CRAP. I didn’t pass out after the fight. Not totally. Before I fell on my bed, blood running out of my nose and bruised covering my face, I kind of, sort of, did another stupid thing.  
I kind of clicked the communicator, started rambling out words. I kind of said that I understood you, I got it, why you would fly across the whole universe to track down your sister, that I knew you were jealous you were so fucking jealous of her just like I of him. 

Fuck.  
I’m so thoroughly screwed up.


	8. DAY 65

#### Day65

It’s been so quiet. So damn quiet. Just like the first night I spent here.  
Maybe I should move my lazy ass and get out before I truly starve to death. After all, it’s too stupid to die in this way. Find some food, embrace some fresh air, go apologize to Peter. It wasn’t his fault. He did his best, I knew it still haunted him. 

I haven’t been able to swallow any food before Groot found me.  
He was holding that ridiculous fitting uniform, ravager style. The one we forced him to wear that day.  
‘I am Groot.’  
I said I’m sorry, I should stop them.  
‘I am Groot.’  
I said, just throw away the thing, it stinks, I bet Rocket had a whole closet of clean mini shirts ready for you.  
‘I am Groot.’  
I said, thanks, thanks for helping him out.  
‘I am Groot.’  
I said, what the fuck are you trying to say?  
‘I am Groot.’  
Yes, right, okay, I miss him, too. I fucking miss him, satisfied? 

 

I crouched down, burst into ugly crying.  
Blame me for being a loud crier. Everyone emerging again, rising from all the corners around the ship. Someone was squeezing my shoulder, someone smashed tissues directly into my face, someone was whispering words I couldn’t hear clearly.  
Then there was Peter. Bruises all over his face, black circle hanging below his eyes. He sat in front of me, taking the funny ravager costume from Groot. 

He apologized, I was too drunk, all those harsh words, I didn’t mean it. Well, maybe I meant some of…But I went too far. I’m sorry, Kraglin, I truly am. You are my crew. Hey, you’re not only my crew, you are the guy I knew since I was eight. You’re like my brother who looked nothing like myself. You’re the only one left…

I sneezed and made my own apology.  
At last, we pulled each other in an embrace, both covered in tears and snots. It’s actually more of disgusting than touching. 

I heard the raccoon say, wow, it’s so moving, I thought I was attending the wedding of two gay wrestlers.  
Gamora slapped him down. Nice girl. 

 

I made another video message to Nebula, explaining that I was so drunk, I don’t recall anything I said but whatever nonsense I said, I hope she would forgive me for wasting her time.


	9. DAY 80 - DAY 90

#### Day 80

Our ship was under attack. Remember those golden bitches who fights in remote control pilots? Obviously, they grew serious anger issues since the last time. For a good three minutes, I thought I was definitely heading to death. The others were outside fighting. Two pilots came from a blind angle. I panicked, leading the ship stuck right beside a cliff. The three minutes before Peter and the team rushed back in time, I really thought I was going to die. And my last thought was, I want to see Nebula. 

HOLY SHIT when did I start feeling this? Why do I need to see her?! Out of all the people? I mean yes I consider her as a friend and I might tell tons of secrets to her which I never told anyone else. And yes sometimes I caught myself worrying if she was safe but…

There was this picture in my mind, a very vivid, strong picture suddenly appearing in my mind when I stuck in the falling Milano, waiting for death, alone by myself. The picture was almost the same as my situation with the only exception that it wasn’t me stuck there alone, it was Nebula. She is alone, she’s dying and she’s alone. Across the enormous galaxy, she’s alone. For twenty-some years, she’s alone. Fight, kill, keep running and running, all by herself. 

I want to see her. 

 

After we ensured no more dangers were coming today, Gamora sent a call to her sister, which, miraculously was being answered immediately. Everyone was a little excited for the ‘event’ and bragging to her about what a day we have.  
It must be the adrenaline.   
I told her what I was thinking, the picture in my mind and how much I desire to see her. Totally blind to the shocking eyes focusing on me. I couldn’t care less, I just need her to know.

She hung up.

#### Day 84

Crap, I seem to accomplish another stupid thing and earning the sympathy from all my teammates. They were treating me like I was a heartbroken child who just lost his parents brutally and was dumped.   
I wasn’t dumped. Let’s get it clear, I wasn’t even having someone to dump me at the first place. I wasn’t having a crush on anyone.  
Peter started asking me all stupid questions about relationship stuff, that unspoken thing between him and the most dangerous green-skin woman in the galaxy. How would I know about relationships? Yes, I was the only adult male who looked like having normal experiences in such things but hell, go find Drax, he got married for crying out loud. 

Speaking of the green-skin lady, why she stares at me more and more often? Accompanied by her smirk and head shake…I know she can’t be checking me out but it still freaks me out. The Captain watches you all the time lady! I certainly don’t need him to suspect something! 

 

Nebula hasn’t called again.   
I still leave messages for her, most of them are apologies, and occasionally complaints about the super long soap drama starring her sister and the captain. I think they are just hanging around to avoid the moonlighting curse, you know, ratings and stuff.

#### Day 90

Groot started playing video games.   
God, why this scene seemed disturbingly familiar?

By the way, I found myself started to capture a glimpse of what he means in various ‘I am Groot’…This ship is turning me into something, HELP.


	10. DAY 94 - DAY 100

#### Day 94

Today in the black market, we bumped into Mr. Starkar and Miss. Aleta, half of their crews were there.  
For a while, I worried the situation would be too awkward. Thanks to my daily practice in ‘chat’ club, it turned out to be not half bad. We sat down and have a few drinks, exchanged some information, telling tales that we thought the other would be interested.  
Right before our ways apart, Starkar asked if I was interested in joining their crew. He said I was a ravager, the best first mate trained by my captain and his friend. He’s sure I will be a good help. In his tough-guy sound, I started hearing voices again. 

I heard the horns of the pirate ship.  
I heard the ravagers laugh, fight, cry and shout.  
I heard the sharp whistles of someone and red arrow splitting the air. 

 

Then I heard a soft, almost too low to hear, with slight trembling in his voice.  
‘I am Groot.’

 

I said thank you for your offer. I’d love to but, I’ve joined a crew already. 

I swear someone breathed a long sigh at that moment. Peter’s arm was around my neck, followed by Drax’s strangling hug.  
Looks like I am still wearing that invisible slogan of Free Hug.

Later we went to shopping.  
Peter bought two large boxes of second-hand books came from terra. He had this weird foreboding that we would soon be heading to his mother planet. He needed to do some homework to prevent being not ‘in’ enough. Nobody warned him that those vintage books were not ‘in’ themselves.  
Rocket brought back a pile of weapons which seemed too dangerous to touch. He was going to measure everyone’s size and built some light armor. It’s been some days since I have time practicing my control on the arrow. I think he’s going to guide and torture me for a good amount of time.  
Drax was more interested in gambling than buying things, but I caught him buy a mirror, a small and delicate one which you can carry around all the time. It wasn't surprising to anyone that the mirror appeared in Mantis’ hand later today.  
Groot wanted the newest video games, all of us shouted NOOOO. He was sad.  
Gamora and Mantis bought enough clothes and other girly stuff.  
I purchased medicine. Lots and lots of pills. Prepared for stomachache, headache, overdrinking and others you have to prepare when you are on the guardians’ ship. 

And I bought a bracelet.  
It’s not like that I was aiming to pick something, no, not at all. I just happened to see it and it’s not displeasure to look at. Absolutely nothing expensive, nor exquisite, probably made of plastics…just a toy for children! Pure coincidence that the bracelet framed patterns similar to nebula, blue and purple shining dust, it even had the word ‘nebula’ engraved on the inside.

I didn’t buy it for that word. Seriously, nebula is just a regular word, I mean, we live in the damn galaxy, right?

 

#### Day 100

Peter developed a new love for writing poetry. Such a horrible idea for someone who hasn’t received any formal education. Must be those damn books he got obsessed with. It’s his freedom to persuade the dream of writing, but goddamn, why can’t we have the freedom to refuse to buy it?! I really don’t want to eat my dinner while the Captain passionately read his newest masterpiece and get my ears polluted by his erotic thoughts directed at Gamora, the images, eww…

He read another one today, nobody believed he actually wrote that. Otherwise, he would be the next genius in poetry history.  
It was a poem, talking about a captain. 

_Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,_  
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is worn,  
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,  
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;  
But O heart! heart! heart!  
O the bleeding drops of red!  
Where on the deck my Captain lies,  
Fallen cold and dead. 

_O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;_  
Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills,  
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores crowding,  
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;  
Here, Captain! dear father!  
This arm beneath your head;  
It is some dream that on the deck  
You've fallen cold and dead. 

_My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,_  
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse or will;  
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;  
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;  
Exult, O Shores! and ring, O bell!  
But I, with mournful tread,  
Walk the deck my Captain lies,  
Fallen cold and dead. 

 

Unfortunately, Peter isn’t a genius in writing.  
But I found his reading bearable. When he finished, we were engaging in loud clapping, not all for Peter, I assumed.  
If we do visit terra someday, I’d love to meet the poet. I’d say thank you, for unspoken reasons. 

 

I tried to recite the poetry. Well, since I’m 100% sure she’s not going to view my message, I can simply say anything and harms nobody, right?  
Halfway through my reading, Gamora knocked at my door. She said she was communicating with her sis, who would get on board by tomorrow morning.  
For half a minute I did nothing else than absent mind nodding. 

IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. She’s coming to visit her sister, how ordinary! Has nothing to do with the rest of us, nothing indeed.  
Relax, take a deeeep breath, time to sleep.  
We are friends! We are friends. Are we friends?  
GOD I SOUND LIKE GROOT.  
Relax, deeeeeep breath, relax.  
Nothing is going to happen! A friend comes to say hi to her sister, nothing else is going to happen. DON’T BE SILLY, Kraglin, don’t you dare thinking about giving her some present, or blabbing out some stupid words, you don’t have a crush on her! YOU DON’T! What the hell are you thinking?! She’s Nebula, she can kill you with bare hands! Along with the help of her sis…

You don’t have a crush on her, note to self. 

Relax, breath, tomorrow will be…NOTHING! Tomorrow is another regular day and that’s all, case closed!

 

**OH CRAP JUST WISH ME GOOD LUCK!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The brilliant poetry in this chapter is, of course, Walt Whitman's Oh Captain! my Captain.  
> I cried every time when that one was read in Dead Poets Society.


	11. DAY 101

#### Day 101

I gave her the bracelet, she didn’t say anything. I think Peter caught the moment, he kept silent, which I appreciated very much. 

An hour ago I sneaked to the kitchen. I’m not hungry. Just thought Nebula might like to have some nighttime snacks, as usual. 

 

She was wearing the bracelet. 

NERVOUSLY EATING SOUP.

 

Fuck, I think I’m in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for reading this story! Hope you enjoy even the tiniest bit of it. Feel free to leave any comment!


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